


even if you are the last you are not alone

by angstlairde



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Dealing with said trauma, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Gen, God this is so disgustingly sweet, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Poe Dameron is the Goodest Man, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Trauma, im serious, unfortunately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 10:56:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13029573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstlairde/pseuds/angstlairde
Summary: "When I was with Luke Skywalker," she says, "I felt something. It was... Like a rope, stretched across the sea, wet and hard to grip, but strong, and if you held it, it could show you land." She looks at Poe. "I followed it. I grasped the rope in my hand and let it show me the end. But at the end, there was no land. There was no safety. Only Kylo Ren."Or, the one where Rey talks about the bond and makes a different kind of bond





	even if you are the last you are not alone

**Author's Note:**

> Im not kidding i have to leave the house at like 8:15 but noooo, i can't go to sleep like a normal person ibhave to write a canon-compliant damerey tlj fic bleh bleh bleh

_Silence._  
  
_Space._  
  
_Peace._  
  
  
_"Don't worry about me, Rey. You need to worry about you right now."_  
  
  
  
_Darkness._  
  
_Trapped._  
  
_Chaos._  
  
  
_"You can't run away from this. You can't fight this."_  
  
  
  
Rey jerks awake, inhaling sharply. She's on the Falcon, in the cockpit, and that's Poe Dameron, _pilot, solider, leader,_ standing over her, his hand touching her shoulder lightly. Was she - did he - she swallows. Poe is frowning, concerned.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asks, and his voice his gruff like he was asleep not long ago. Rey swallows again, trying to work moisture back in her mouth.  
  
"I - yes," she says, a little shortly, but can't- she doesn't know, not really, how she should interact with other people yet, she's barely been off Jakku, and now there's all these people. Freaking people, and they expect her to act like they are, but she, she can't.   
  
Poe's still looking at her, and there's something like awe in his eyes again, and she thought it was kinda cute the first time, and it doesn't seem like the other kind of awe she gets from the people they rescued. There's something else, though, and she thinks it might be... disbelief? He doesn't believe her.  
  
But it's not like she can, or should, just go around telling people that she had (has?) a Force-bond with Kylo Ren. That's just, ridiculous, and dangerous, and a whole load of other like words.  
  
Poe's hand is still on her arm, and a finger accidentally brushes her cut and she flinches. Poe immediately yanks his hand away, looking appalled.  
  
"Force, Rey, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Is that okay? Has that been looked at?" He asks, quickly - Finn hadn't mentioned how quickly Poe talks - and he's kneeling so he can look at it intently.  
  
Rey's mouth is just kind of hanging open because this is Poe Dameron trying to take care of her and she can't quite wrap her mind around it. (Vaguely, she thinks this might be shock. Could she be in shock?)   
  
Poe is talking. She can't latch onto his words. He glances up at her, once, then again, looking at her longer this time. There's a crease between his eyebrows.  
  
"Rey? Hey, you with me?"   
  
Rey nods.  
  
"Yeah, yeah."  
  
Poe's still frowning.  
  
"You need something, anything? Water? I can get you some."  
  
He stands to leave, but she catches his hand before she realizes what's she doing and holds it.  
  
"Don't - go. Please."  
  
He nods, then nods again  
  
"Whatever you need," he says, and holds her hand.  
  
_The brightest stars and the nothingness between._   
  
There's something to be said about the poeticness if space. So much balance. So much light and so much darkness. Could that be inside her, the rage and uncontrollableness of Ben?  
  
She looks at Poe, who's resolutely staring out the viewport into hyperspace.  
  
"He was inside your mind, too," she says, and it's not much of a question. She watches his Adam's apple bob as he swallows, the contours of his profile highlighted by the blueness of hyperspace.  
  
"Yeah," he says, low, and his grip on her hand tightens momentarily. "Yeah."  
  
Rey opens her mouth, shuts it, and says,  
  
"I was afraid he would always be inside my head."  
  
Was. The past tense does not escape his notice.  
  
He looks at her.  
  
"And now?"  
  
Rey looks out to hyperspace. Here was a man who had seen the horrors of war and still trusted so easily, a man who went through the worst of war and came out still shining like a star, full of hope and life, and, more importantly, at this moment, knew what it felt like to have the monster that is Kylo Ren inside his head and rooting through your memories like they were files to be thrown away. Did she dare tell him? She hasn't even told Finn.  
  
Poe is still looking at her, she can feel his gaze on her face, much as she looked at him. There is no impatience from him, no raging fire. Only a calm ocean, clear skies, water so smooth you can't tell how deep it goes, but can reflect your face back in almost perfect clarity. He feels steady, like a rock at sea, deep, like an old, old tree with roots reaching deep in the ground. He, she feels, she can trust. This, she decides, is a Good Person, and she thinks she knows why Finn likes him so much, why BB-8 is devoted so entirely to him, why he can command and lead armies.  
  
"Snoke is dead," is what she says, how she begins, and Poe seems to sense this as he stays silent. "Snoke is dead, and Kylo killed him, and the First Order will blame me for it. But that's not, thats not the point." She takes a breath, trying to realign herself. "When I was with Luke Skywalker," she starts again, "I felt something. It was... Like a rope, stretched across the sea, wet and hard to grip, but strong, and if you held it, it could show you land." She looks at Poe. "I followed it. I grasped the rope in my hand and let it show me the end. But at the end, there was no land. There was no safety. Only Kylo Ren. I spoke to him, and he spoke to me, and we touched hands, and for a moment, I thought I could pull him back, and he could help the Resistance." Rey looks back out into hyperspace and swallows. "I was wrong. I didn't know it. But I was. The only reason Kylo killed Snoke was because he thought I would join him. He was wrong. We both were. And now-" Rey stops. She doesn't know, she doesn't know, and she feels so _alone_. "Now, I am left with that rope in my hands and the knowledge that Kylo Ren is on the other end."  
  
Finally, she looks back at Poe, but he isn't looking at her in fear, or distrust, or anger, or even pity. There's only... _sadness, pain, shame, loneliness,_ understanding in his eyes. (He has nice eyes, she thinks, a pretty brown. She likes brown eyes.) Her hand is still in his, and he looks at his boots, then his hand, then her, and hesitantly, giving her time to pull away, or tell him no, or anything, lays his hand on her knee.  
  
"You're not alone," he says, softly, but insistently and with conviction, like he's afraid she won't believe him. "You won't be alone anymore."  
  
Rey can feel the conviction and strength and loyalty and _Light_ from him, and she knows if he's around, if Finn is around, she won't ever be alone again, and she - isn't quite sure what to do with this information, but her eyes are wet and leaking, and it's barely been days since she left Jakku, and she's a nobody, and why did she ever leave, and she just wants to _sleep_ -  
  
Poe's hands are soft on her face, softer then she would imagine, as he wipes her tears away gently.  
  
"Hey, hey, it's okay," he says softly, so gently, like she a skittish animal, and it only makes her cry harder, because when was the last time she was treated this gently, besides Finn? Who gave a damn about Rey the Scavenger from Jakku, Nobody from Nowhere. She isn't sure if she wishes she were back there or if her parents had never left her in the first place, and it's so confusing and it hurts, and her shoulders are shaking with sobs before she even realizes what's happening. Poe's hands are still on her face, and then his wrapping her up in his arms and she crying into his jacket.  
  
"Easy," he whispers, "easy, it's okay." One hand cradles the back of her head and the other is soft on her waist.  
  
When she pulls back, a little embarrassed, and wipes her eyes, she turns away from him slightly, and mutters,  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Poe's hand is on her again, at the crease if her elbow, soft and careful.  
  
"You got nothing to be sorry for, Rey. We can't go around pretending we're fine forever," and it sounds like he knows from experience.  
  
Rey cups his cheek for a fleeting second, cataloguing every little cut, bruise, scar on his face without realizing, and asks,  
  
"How do you know? How do you know when you're fine?"  
  
Poe kinda smiles.  
  
"I dunno," he says. "I'm not fine yet."   
  
And she thinks that's hard for him to say, and she has the tickling feeling in the back of her mind that says he has come a long way for him to be able to admit that. She thinks, no, _knows_ that's she not alone anymore. She has a pretty good feeling about this after all. Well, maybe a better feeling. She feels much  _safer, stronger, more at ease,_ better with Poe Dameron at her side.   


It's a nice feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked, drop a comment in the box below


End file.
